When I think back on my life, I've realized I have dawdled through life with low intelligence, slow wit, and sluggish creativity. Though I can read a book, I'm really just a monkey learning tricks, leaping through hoops and playing pretend. However, I am definitely 100% a midwit. I confuse taste with effort and creation; I like things which I think to be smart, cool, funny, so ergo, I am these things. But I'm bereft, and to make matters worse, I think I'm under the delusion I'm owed these qualities. All the opportunities I should've taken, things I should've done, are now gone, and I'll just fumble the future continually.
Is there any midwit cope or should I just resign myself to mediocrity?
i'm also a midwit. idk what the cure is but i think the best course of action for people like us to pick one creative hobby like writing poems or composing music and keep at it even if we suck.
i've read classic lit and watched highly rated movies and walked away feeling enriched and i don't regret spending my time that way (for the most part) but its like, anyone can do that. things that i'm proud of are the shitty songs and poems i've written, even thought they could be mistaken for having been written by a middle schooler.
i wish i had natural intelligence and talent and great taste but i don't, and instead of pretending that that's not the case or feeling sorry about it, i'm starting to just accept it. i will still read classics and watch cool movies but stop ruminating on how i can't make something like that and stick to my amateur pursuits.
also for midwits like us, selection bias is root of our agony. we constantly immerse ourself in great art and literature and it starts feeling like everyone is talented but us. conveniently, masochistically ignoring that even some of the most talented people out there only make few truly great pieces of art or works of literature in their life.
it was a huge eye opening moment in my life -- a moment of true mental ecstasy -- when i realize that i really was smarter than my peers. i really was a deviation above. i couldn't relate: i was the prototypical lazy but smart student who really didn't need to do all that shit to succeed. i believed the slogans about how i will be challenged eventually but it was just never so, all the way through a phd. and then i pick up sports and new hobbies all this and all that. just crazy to think i had this one moment of clarity and all of my priorities shifted: get away from stupid people
“Resign yourself to mediocrity” as if you’d somehow have some new special value you if you were super duper smart
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>I think in some way I just wish I could have something to "outshine" my faults
In 'creative pursuits' as in many things, the pursuit matters most, not the result. Some sort of zen logic is at play, and there is no satisfying result if you seek it (at least in my experience).
These things are complex enough without adding your own layer of neurosis on top of it (What would it make of me? What would I look like? What would it mean to me? What would I be then? etc.)
Also, life is long and forgiving. You can fail many times and these failures can still be building bricks for 'success' even if you can't picture it. The main point is to never stop trying.
Complaining is a trap, as you have noticed. So don't, and see what happens.