Petrarchive – Share your thoughts.

Trying to lock in to writing and lock out of a depression slump.

This thread

I can see the tendrils of a story in my head and am trying to keep my brain healthy so I don't lose it. I'm also trying to stay in a headspace that will allow me to actually change my behavior and life trajectory.

I'm thinking about university. I'm going to school for a history degree and I hate how the science of history is taught, total ideology. Trying to approach any historical subject objectively is derided as a fools errand and writing explicitly from an ideological angle is encouraged. Technical and not so technical terms are thrown around so much they lose all their meaning or are badly misused and I'm gonna have to fucking roll with it as I'm graduating in spring and keep saying "uhuh, this means that, sure".
One lecturer who looks exactly like fat adam friedland was ranting about how he was the first one there to write their dissertation about something not from the country and how it was bad to not have a global mindset. Looked up what he'd written and it's only about his homeland and fucking videogames. Also found out he's a reddit moderator and has been talking about being a historian and expert on there for at least 15 years while he only got his bachelors 6 years ago.

>>7556

Which area of history are you focused on?

Late middle ages northern europe

>>7555
Maybe you should fry your brain to follow the story instead

currently procrastinating on math homework. i hate that i'm somehow in college (for a science major, even!) and yet i can barely follow basic math.

>>7600
math professors always give definitions and explain intuition before doing concrete examples, but honestly I learn better with examples first. Maybe im different though

Wondering if there's anything to be done about the sloppification of culture or if it's just a natural process, like it's all just part of Baudrillard's sign order stages or something.

>>7602
Killing off a bunch of people would fix this

I was dumb and telegram'd some random who pretended to be a girl then made a collage of my face and dick to send to everyone on my instagram and "ruin my life". I don't have much of a life so I don't much care about people I haven't seen or talked to in years seeing my face and dick but am I fucked somehow legally? The college claimed I send nudes to underage girls and my dick and face is not in the same image. I'm a bit spooked

>>7604
Post those photos of your dick and face to your Instagram before they can do it. Then they got no proof.
>but the screenshots!
Doctored.

Also let me add how thrilled I am that /lit/'s worst fucking thread now has a place on this site. Snake eats its tail and swallows its own shit in the process.

>>7606
I don't use /lit/ so I can only assume you're talking about this one? To me, "what are you thinking about" just sounds like a woman.

>>7607
/lit/ had /wwoym/ (Write What's On Your Mind) which was godawful at least in the last few years; effectively zero literary pretense, mostly anons whining about women and how they're wasting their lives and how much they hate brown people. Finally it started being deleted, but since the hack it came back with a new name and has been ignored by the mods.

That said, the rest of /lit/ is rarely any better.

That one daoist sentence found somewhere on 4chan.
>>7607
>>7608
>complain about Petrarchan getting closer to /lit/
>drag /lit/ and 4chan middleschool-level misogyny in Petrarchan
The thread doesn't have to be as bad as you think it can be. Use your imagination, make it better if you're not satisfied. If it's beyond your ability, have the decency not to whine.

>>7610
>misogyny
People like you who weaponize innocent observations into these accusatory grievances are the most vile leeches. I don't hate women, but you? You I hate. Apologize.

>>7606
>/lit/s worst fucking thread
That's weird, I looked for it but I couldn't find the /wng/ equivalent here

Jealous of gay dudes right now

What are women's bodies? wear a nice dress but beneath they are these ugly punctured and twisted things dressed up in nice words like curvy and soft.

Breasts are udders. The thighs loose. The crotch is all about a wound functioning as gloryhole. (This is why 50 shades of gray/bdsm/tortureporn appeals, at a bodily level)

The softness is not for its own sake, which would be great, but to make growths (breasts, ass) and holes simpler in construction

Then there is the weakness, the periods, and the yeastiness, and also pregnancy, and penetration.

The female body is exclusively architectured for sex

It's a body of pornsick incel, material and design. the ultimate bdsm cage, the female flesh

is there escape?

>>7614
>is there escape?
Tranny detected.

>7619
if you think that's a tranny you fundamentally misunderstand both trannies & women

PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD
Do not turn this into another tranny thread

I told you all about Kiwifarms retards, you didn't listen

I’m thinking of how much I hate modernised opera productions.. I DON’T want to see “The Clemency of Titus” where they all wear T-shirts or “Le Prophete” set in space. What’s even the rationale behind these artistic choices?

Heart surgery. Found out a few years ago that I have a coarctation of the aorta, makes it really tight. Gives you sky high blood pressure and bad blood flow. They usually detect it when you're a kid. They're either going to replace the valve or do a stent. The valve replacement has a 2% chance of paralysis, needs replaced every 15 years, and I'd have to be on blood thinners for the rest of my life. Stent needs checked up on more often but the operation is less invasive. Either way I'm stuck with this shit for life, and I never know if I'll have insurance in the future.
I'm not too worried about it. My childhood doctors could've investigated my heart murmur back then, but a lot of kids have them and I'd still be dealing with the repercussions. Can't be mad at them. If untreated then my lifespan is 35-40 years old. It's just something I need to do. Dealt a bad hand
Have to make the most of life from now on, it's not going to be a long one either way.

That this is a pseud site, lol.

>>7639
Retard detected.

>>7636
AFAIK, stents involve a pretty common and easy operation. Assuming everyone gets sick at some point, it doesn't look like the worst heart issue to have.
Hope you don't lose too much money though.

>>7636
Look into hirudotherapy (leeches)

I am thinking about how to escape my work. We have to use AI so much and it's uniquely bad code, with the leader bragging about how many lines he wrote.

Overarching that is thinking about why the vibes are so bad right now. Last week it seems was hard for everyone I know.

Every day I feel more and more stupid. It's as if a part of my brain has been removed (which manifests in an almost physical sensation). I read, and I can't say I do more than let my eyes wander (already too tired from lack of sleep and screen abuse "for productivity's sake"); I find it enormously difficult to write, and in general the texts I produce are insipid, poorly structured and, I'm very much afraid, incoherent; I speak, and I can only limit myself to repeating mechanical phrases, without any kind of substance (sometimes, however, I disguise this emptiness with a tone of confidence that embarrasses me); as for my interlocutor's words, reflecting afterwards I realize that either I directly didn't understand what the other person meant to tell me, or I horribly misinterpreted what they said (I suppose for others it must be like talking to a fragmented person, who talks and talks but doesn't say anything that can be understood, or that doesn't even connect).

In short, it's a situation that saddens me greatly. Otherwise, I'm not sleeping well, I'm stressed all the time and, in general, it seems that the finger of God has pointed at me, and not with good intentions.

>>7646
I understand the feeling. I compensate by building, little by little, the right circumstances to write properly and rework whatever was half-written.

>>7640
I'm a stemtard, this means my input on culture and intellectualism trumps your daily anecdote on the redscare subreddit.

>>7646
I've been thinking that whatever we've built is doing an actual tower of babel on us. The combination of things hitting some critical mass.

>>7641
They are, I'd much rather have them do that than open heart. Just wasn't expecting to have a lifelong condition so soon. I was under the assumption that the valve replacement was a permanent fix.

>>7604
They never follow thru it's an empty threat it happens a lot on sniffies.

>>7643
the push for using ai makes me less sad about not becoming a software engineer.

I quit my job a week ago and this week has been great. I start my next job tomorrow. I feel like I've been slowly but steadily climbing out of s deep hole I was stuck in for several years. Only a few months ago I started going to the gym again and it gave me motivation to start applying for jobs and I'm finally out of the mentally debilitating shithole I was at previously. Things are on the right track.

>>7614

>>7614
This is the way of thinking which caused people like Andrea Dworkin to become the way they are.
50 Shades of Gray and so on appeals to women because the main character is extremely powerful and she 'tames' him

>>7657
good choice, it's barely begun and they're going to drive us into the ground. i've heard of places even tracking how much each person is using ai and using it as a way to push people out. this is absolutely not going to be, "ah we can work less," the pressure is incredible.

Someone complained I was flexing my intelligence with an overwritten comment on social media today. The sum total of it was about as long as this paragraph and I shot it off in seconds. I definitely wasn't flexing anything. What am I supposed to do? I don't want to be an elitist douche, but god damn, trying to be humble really fucking backfires sometimes.

>>7673
unfortunately normies are evil retards who want to kill you

>>7673
Don't waste your time on SoMe?

>>7673
Don't worry, there's a kid on here who pulls the same act. You'll catch his ire sooner or later

>>7550
What's happening in that pic?
Who's getting kicked by demons?

>>7675
I like how you refer to social media. It sounds mocking like SoDoSoPa and I will be adding it to my belt. The plain advice is also good but at this point I'm like an alcoholic you're telling to not drink.

>>7711
Admitting it everytime you can is a necessity, otherwise, you'll sweep it under the rug and everyone will help you do it. It is litterally the first step.

>>7709
It's St. Antony of the Desert, a popular subject for artists. You can find many similar depictions usually under the title "Temptation of St. Antony".

>>7649
>stem
Retard confirmed.

Humanities majors master race unite!

We have nothing to lose but our email jobs.

>he has a job to lose

Oh hohohoho.

:/

It seems like either I have been banned from posting on /pt/, or something is wrong with the server, as it gives me an error when I try to create a new thread.

>7717
So... you do nothing while CHADgineers build the world around you?
>B-b-but muh chatgpt
I'm not a coder.

>>7738
thread creation is temporarily disabled.

>>7741
Cuz of the see pee?

>>7742
yes

average Petrarchan user:

mid-30s Jewish man, slightly balding
dropped out of an MFA
works unfulfilling job
generally feels he is underappreciated for his genius, tho tries to hide this in public.
ashamed by constantly comparing
himself to David Foster Wallace in his head

says a Ventoux feat would be "cool" and
a rent-controlled place a dream but co-
living is on his Google and n+1
his still cherished teenage hope.

thinks he needs to do more "for Gaza"
but is developing a complex
about antizionism being
cover for antisemitism

neurotic about people think
ing he is a racist now that he
has started Noticing black crime

lives in Williamsburg and
tells his friends
Anna is fascist, Dasha trans.
secretly still listening to red scare
constantly looking up Dimes Square on Streeteasy

>>7762
He supports israel because its the foundation of neo liberalism albeit

I'm turning 28 in December and my wife is pregnant. Accidentally, of course. I'm quite terrified, feels like I'm dying and waiting for a new me to be born. Of course, everyone says they were terrified too, that it's normal, which doesn't help, merely reinforces the idea that the right thing to do is man up and become a father, which itself makes me wonder if my choice to accept my fate and embrace this new life is really my decision or an apathetic reaction. Nevertheless, I'm excited for a chance to mold a young person's life and give them direction, hopefully give them the resources to do what I could not. I'm really just not looking forward to all the poop and the screaming in public and the money and the nosiness of others, not to mention the supreme judgment that is raising another human that will have to overcome your failings in order to truly grow. Unfortunate because at this current age I won't be very old when my child kills me, so I don't have many expectations for retirement.

>>7764
That's great news. Here are some general pointers from someone with 2 young kids:
* The first three months are the hardest and you, as the dad, should do whatever you can to hurl yourself in front of the travails your wife faces. Find a way to step in during the night-time feedings, whatever those will look like for you. Change all the diapers. Be the point-person for pediatrician appointments. You will feel way overworked but your wife will feel like her entire fucking life is being sucked out from her and like screaming death is merely seconds away.
* You will find yourself screaming mad very often in the next year, and the most important thing you can do is to put the baby down somewhere safe and go have your scream and then get on with it.
* Don't drink or do drugs. Get an effective nap trick dialed in.
* You will feel ten thousand intrusive thoughts about the dangers posed to your baby and you should deal with them pragmatically. Not every intrusive thought and not every one is right, either.
* Get good at folding tiny clothes.
* Guilt everyone you can into setting up recurring phone appointments with you and/or your wife. Most people will flake and fail you, but the few that don't belong in your will and deserve to be the baby's godparents. I can't overstress how much the isolation eats at you in the early months.
* For either parent staying with the kid, the early months are a fucking prison sentence and every excuse to get out of the home is a godsend. Please do everything you can to generate those for yourself and your wife.
* Consider what you might do for childcare support in truly desperate circumstances, and then do it preemptively. You will need it in some dire strait and you actually need people to know that you need it before the dire straits arrive.

>>7765
sorry, should have said "not every intrusive thought is wrong and not every..."

>>7764

IDK in general I would say that you are about to face an extreme level of desperation that will push you to the limits of your sanity. That's what we faced, but I should also mention that we had to move away from our entire support network and do everything ourselves alone during COVID. So I guess take that as context.

i wanna learn an instrument but music people make me squeamish since i'm more objective brain leaning

>>7768
Don't learn an instrument
>B-b-but I really want to
It'll pass

>>7762
You are the type of low intellect person who, when they want to make a point, they draft up this hypothetical character who embodies everything they dislike. For how many times I've read this overwrought stereotype of a Brooklyn hipster, that place must have a population of ten million. I doubt you even live in New York. This is some shit you read on le arr ess pee for years on end and it's embedded itself in your head as the proper way to conduct conversation online. In another space this scarecrow would be a "MAGA redneck" or "neckbeard incel" or "blue hair feminist".

What draws the American lower classes and lumpen to worship Halloween/horror/"spooky aesthetic" so much?

>>7772
Low effort quirky mall goth/Hazbin Hotel/Nightmare Before Christmas aesthetics replaced local folklore

>>7773
I understand that is what happened on a factual basis, but there must be something deeper than that. Lots of American slop has replaced local folklore. But there is something that draws Yanks to "dark" themed media and imagery specifically. If I were a Mark Fisher-tier cultural critic I could flesh that connection out more fully, but as it stands I don't have any patience for fictional media and so come up dry.

>>7768
I'm getting into music lately without really having planned it. A small class on Ableton just to pass time, then history of music, and I'm now looking to understand music theory.
The pretty one I have on my mind at the moment works in the field. Maybe that's why. But I'm enjoying the process.

>>7771
This reads like a xavier speech

>>7776
Yes yes, your only frame of reference for literally everything in existence is content slop, we all know...

>>7769
don't think it would register if it was something that will just pass then again it's not important either who wants to make stupid noises like some jackass on the regular even though i constantly have to listen to others noises

>>7768
What do you mean you are more "objective brain leaning"?

>>7762
can confirm this perfectly describes the (((admin)))

>>7764
if i had a child, i'd have him baptized and
no vaxx.
lots of sport and games
homeschooled
watch America First together, when hes the right age.
basically, opposite of Red Scare

>>7780
i was gonna say more logical, analytical thinking inclined but i just remembered i hate those people too

>>7789
you hate people who are more talented than you as well as people who are naturally smarter than you? You sound like a spiteful burnout pseud.

>>7836
nah

>>7836
>like a spiteful burnout pseud
Isn't that everyone here?

Going to college as a poor white male sure was one of the worst mistakes I ever made.

>>7871
Because of the Woke?

Yeah, college sucks, mostly

But I did attend a Charlie Kirk campus debate. That was a life defining moment

Too bad you can't get that experience anymore

is being burned out by pseuds a trait of a spiteful burnout pseud

>>7874
Not so much in my case. I was a fucking retard with no idea what to do with my life so I fell for the debt jew for a master's degree that I completed right before covid then never did anything with (outside of a few months' unpaid internship lol doing research at a vet hospital). My grad program was hands-off and especially sexist in favor of women; the professor I worked on my thesis with was an out-of-touch successful baby boomer who did about the bare minimum. The girl I talked to in the "help with resumes job search et al" was clueless and mostly agreed with me.

Dropping out during undergrad 12 years ago and getting on disability would have been advantageous but hindsight. There is no widespread commonplace support--of any form--for men. While many of my poor decisions were my fault, it sure would have been damn helpful being born into a financially stable family; or having at least one career-minded parent; or being born in a country with free education.

>>7890
Using the term "pseud" is a guaranteed sign of being one.

>>7891
Does sound crappy.

But doing stuff like being on disability sucks even more. If you ever make it in life, you'll be happy for not having fallen into that hole

>>7893
A disability income would be better than no income at the least. Anyway I am farting in the wind by this point.

My aunt got my grandma hooked on Youtube a month ago. She's in her late 70s. Never had internet in her house and still doesn't, but she gets enough cell service. Only learned how to text a few years ago. Switched from a flip phone to a smart one last year (same aunt did that). Now she sits in bed all day watching AI videos, earnestly believing every single one. How could she not? She's never been exposed to the internet before

>>7894
Did Francis of Assisi need one?

I always used to think that the claim that lesbian relationships were prone to domestic violence was bunk. I bought the counter-argument from women online that those statistics came from an interpretation error, wherein lesbians that reported having been victims of domestic violence were reporting their past trauma while in relationships with men before, erm, "converting" to lesbianism. But recent events in my building have started to convince me otherwise. There is a particularly rowdy lesbian couple basically behaving like a 7th grade relationship, being loud, slamming doors, pouring beer into the already struggling hallway plants, clearly taking a sort of juvenile joy in petty, devious annoyances. But besides this, one day I caught them through the peephole in my door (yes, I am that kind of neighbor) basically play-fighting in the stairwell, slapping one another. But it wasn't play-fighting like men would do, where it is purely a test of physical strength. There was an air of meanness to their slaps and hair-pulling. It very much felt balancing on the edge of genuine abuse and play. To be frank, overt lesbian relationships are not as common in Eastern Europe, and my sole first-person observation of them comes from my time in the West, where my impression was that of fat nerdy millenials in a sort of default, sexless arrangement. Perhaps what I'm seeing in my building is a manifestation of the real lesbian essence that I have never been privy to. Whatever it is, it's very unappealing.

Twice yesterday I have sporadically looked someone up to find they have recently died. The first was Anthony Jackson, a fantastic jazz bassist, and the other is Patricia Routledge, a British actress who has given us many hours of laughter...

I do not unsubscribe from the occasional advertisement I get in my email inbox, because receiving them and seeing that number pop up makes me feel less alone

>>7903
You will soon find out that they are lying to you about much more than lesbian domestic violence

>>7907
t. Candace Owens

Why is networking so goddamn difficult man... Who came up with this shit? There is no rhyme or reason to any syntax. Is there a subfield with more technical debt than networking besides like literal amps and ohms electrical engineering? Why do I gotta memorize iftables syntax some asshole in 86 decided was the most logical way to program packet routing??? AAAA (pun intended)

Sing swang soup and Ivo are cool songs

>>7909
Update: I fixed it, yay. Any other nerds here will know the better-than-orgasm release of having solved a problem you spent days on

It's hard to describe the specific way that friends can be disappointing and infuriating.

So I've got this work friend (I know, kill me right?) who's senior in this unit and who is simply a dick. She pissed off everyone who was senior to her to no end, but they're all gone now. She's got a specific kind of Gen X immaturity, like "lulz everything is on fire! so I don't ever have to reflect on anything." She's brash and bold, but she's also infuriatingly superior when she shouldn't be. So obviously she's queen bee for a number of things... and is really graceless and immature about it.

Oh before I move on, I should also mention that she's one of those Gen Xers who imagines that she's like the leftiest purest person in the world because she cares about the environment. Like... one time she gave me a big public scolding because I said that dogs and humans are pretty unique in the way that our two species use symbols together. She wanted to defend the honor of other random animals. She's on her second divorce but it's cool because she didn't call the second match a marriage and when she threw the guy out he just had to go bankrupt with no legal recourse.

Last weekend, a bunch of us were at a grown-up Halloween party. I've personally made the decision to never ever drive with any alcohol in my body, so I was kind of hoping that my friend would give me a ride back. We live in the same neighborhood. So at a lull, later in the evening, I asked if I could get a ride back home. She said that she would be at the party for a lot longer. I knew I would just spoil the vibe if I stayed around waiting, so I just walked the entire way home. Well, come to find out this morning, she and a couple other people stayed like beyond an hour after the hosts went to bed. One of the hosts came down in their pajamas and showed these people how to lock up and went away. I think that gives you an idea of how immature my friend is. I'm mortified at the concept of abusing hosts like this.

Oh and by the way I found this out because my work friend was having a conversation with another work friend (who is less of a dick, but who is much more invested in being capital-f FUN in a theatrical way). They were talking about the party in front of another really cool person (actually the coolest person in the unit) who was not invited. I was (again) mortified at how these two could have so little grace.

I guess it's just astonishing to me to see people getting older and not actually learning the lessons of class and grace. It's not quite teenager behavior, but it's definitely 20-something behavior for a woman who is close to 50 if not in her 50s.

>>7914
you find autonomous people hot but are in self-denial about this

Do you remember if the "close to 50" woman had brown eyes?

Vinyl-only people telling on themselves constantly that they don't even listen to music for its own sake, just in it for the consumer fetish

I just had a chubby woman in a bmw honk at me repeatedly for not pulling into an intersection to turn left on a green light (it was impossible to turn). These minor things remind me that I fucking hate living in a city and wish I never moved here.

>>7915
Involving yourself so much in the life of people you don't like light be a form of self-harm.

>> 7916
yes
>> 7919
v good point, sage and wise

>>7918

I moved to a place that I have contempt for because of my spouse. I have contempt for the people, to be clear. Where I live everyone talks about the geography as if the trees and shit are supposed to be an important part of my life. What's a much bigger part of my life is the high level of ambient cruelty in the air that makes it impossible to form or locate any subcommunities worth joining.
My protip to anyone reading this is to never move away from your support network and never ever ever do it because it's a supposedly virtuous thing to support all of your spouse's whatevers. Virtue is rarely recognized, and the rewards for this type of virtue are so minimal it's basically martyrdom. My life basically ended when I agreed to this move. I am now just marking time.

>>7922

It's giving Scandinavia tbh, though you're probably talking about Vermont or Seattle or some other stupid Burger place

>>7916
>Do you remember if the "close to 50" woman had brown eyes?
>>7921
>yes

Then her significant non-Aryan ancestry explains her behavior in >>7914

>>7924
Follow your leader and put the gun in your mouth, Nazi

>>7925
non-Aryan detected

>>7923
i'm about to move to sweden for a bf. is it that bad of an idea?

>>7927
Gulf states are the best for this at the moment, tbh
For short term

What type are you looking for?

>>7927
Do you already have a Swedish bf or are you moving there to specifically look for one?

My years-long obsession with Northern Ireland and the conflict between its two groups continues. I vouyeristically consume everything from photo galleries of wall murals to dry academic journals about minutae relating to the conflict. I fully admit that such level of fascination surrounding a tragic ethnic conflict is immoral and no better than looking at cartel or jihadist beheading videos or music clips online. But I can never seem to pull away

>7926
ywnbaa

>>7906
Have a nice life

>>7933

>y-you too...

>>7931
And why is that? Are you thinking all Aryans are like you?

Oh my god brug

Getting into my time machine and showing this to all the 90s provocateurs

Through my superior doxxing skills I discovered the Worst Boyfriend Ever used to be a pretty decent Smash Ultimate player and he has dozens of vods online

>>7980

What is this a reference to?

>>7981
the url ban that i coded myself has defeated me, but it is this link:

substack dot com slash @worstboyfriendever

Lmao most chivalrous Ultimate player

I feel an intense connection with P. Diddy

>>7926
Shoot yourself in the brain, Nazi. The people who know you best will appreciate it.

>>7980
>decent Smash Ultimate player
>Ultimate
>decent
You mean he's a bad Smash player.

>>7992
>that same image from five weeks ago

Ugh, it's you, that kid with literally ten saved images on his phone that he rotates through. Come on, I want to see that smirking cat again. I loathe you lot who seem to have glommed onto the Melee scene because you think Ultimate is "soy". You probably weren't even born when Melee came out. You definitely can't shffl or Ken combo. Everything you know about this game is from passed-down stories you read on /v/ or leddit. You overgrown iPad kid piece of shit. Go back to Discord you fucking faggot.

>>7993
Pseudbitch calm down it's only a normal person.

>>7991
Isn't that, like, more a thing trans people do?

>>7993
>Everything you know about this game is passed-down stories you read on /v/ or leddit
>iPad kid piece of shit
We need more like you here

>>7995
>he thinks I can't hate both Nazis and trannies
The big smooth brain of the master race, everybody

>>7997
The only thing missing from that aryan brain is Adolph's final art installation

>>7993

Ultimate IS soy, and melee is sick. If worstboyfriendever played melee maybe he wouldn't have developed so many psychosexual hangups. He probably tried but wasn't immediately good at it so he gave up. Lol!

>>7993
>Ugh, it's you, that kid with literally ten saved images on his phone
>You probably weren't even born when Melee came out
Man, I drew that, and I think I've been playing Melee for at least 17 years at this point. I played Ultimate with friends for a while when a bunch of them bought it, and I had fun, but I far prefer how Melee plays.

I won't lie, it feels good not to know what you people are talking about.

>>8013

In order to feel proud about not knowing something, one has to feel shame about how much they know so far

>>8014
Of course, it's a lesson learned from years of following stupid happenings. I wish you all to get there at some point.

>>8013
I'm not particularly proud of my thousands upon thousands of hours playing that series either, which is why I only mention it in the most anonymous and throwaway of circumstances like here, but it is what it is. Like a lot of oldheads I haven't played in years but the series has still buried itself in my subconscious painfully deeply. The other month I stumbled upon a Tiktok with a remixed version of the Melee menu theme and thought I'd have a stroke, the way my nervous system shifted gears in preparation. A weird kind of Stockholm syndrome bestows itself upon you when you waste your years in competitive gaming. I both miss those days dearly, and want nothing to do with it.

both of my balls for a nice book discussion forum

>>8023 I'd maybe be a bit less embarrassed if I wasn't an 0-2er even after spending 8 years of my prime brain plasticity on it. I could've been learn2coding or learning piano or playing tennis. Instead I grinded a game that I DON’T EVEN PLAY ANYMORE

>>8055
I know, I was for all intents and purposes an 0-2er too. But you know what Hbox said, without the masses of 0-2ers there's no brackets, no locals, no nothing. We are the nameless pyramid laborers of FGC history.

What sublime hubris

Virgin self-doubting overthinking amateur neet vs chad 'economic historian' knows the GDP of Homo erectus (USD)

The lazy cynics were right, this stupid world is built for all the splendid variety of bullshitters, con artists, grifters, fakers, and posers. Truth is fake. God is dead.

>>8150

Is gold money?

>>8050

I’m trying but none of you are replying

>>8151

It can be used as money. Was this question some sort of counter to my post or are you a third grader genuinely curious about how the world works?

>>8153

How might I go about using gold as money?

When I see a guy with moobs walking down the street and they be jigglin'... I always think to myself, man I bet a good bra would feel so supportive, you wouldn't have to hunch over like that, we can all see them jumping up and down through your shirt anyway

>>8153
It's an interesting question, no matter the intent.

Every time I happen to rub shoulders with rich people I come away thinking
1. Is that all money buys you?
2. My dirtbag cousins are more cultured & a better conversationalist than these people

Re: 1
This is the real driving force behind America's bourgeoisie. It's not Elon or Zuck. It's accounting auditors who pull down mid six figures and have a new build house on the outskirts of town where they expect they should be allowed to Lysol your shoes when you step inside. It's girlboss lawyers who want the revolution to happen after their toddlers' 529 accounts rollover to Roth accounts. It's bonds who have very clever tax hacks for your HSA.
And what do they get for it all? Nothing of value. Seasonally themed paper plates when entertaining.
2.
The aristocrats at lead pretended to have virtue and Sprezzatura. These nerds lack even the urge to pretend like they care about anyone else

>>8225

I also repeat that sentiment a lot, but I wonder if that assumption that "at least the rich/aristocratic class were [...]" might be too broad of a blanket statement, or only applicable to a short amount of time.

I also think we do ourselves a disservice by lumping in all groups that could vaguely be considered rich in America, from early six figures like your girlboss lawyers and accounting auditors to the .001% Elon, Musk et al.

>>8225
Less drunk, still phoneposting

The thing that lingers with me is that the system is specifically working for THESE people. The people with irrevocable trusts, who are trying to get into competitive schools in Minneapolis, whose twenty-sonething kids are finishing nonsense PhDs at Cornell on being mixed race... These are the people who can look at America / the West between 1989 and today and see it as one continuous success story. The system, for lack of a better word, serves their interests. They're the leadership class in every multimillion-dollar organization. They can more or less choose where they want to work but almost all of them are effectively partner-level inside this org or that. They are the fire-breathing lawyers who fight white-collar cartel wars. They are professional capos who do all of the administrative cover-up for the whims of the powerful. They are the upper atmosphere: they embody the upper limits of wealth and authority that individuals are allowed to reach while servicing America's dynastic wealth. This is, I guess, the zenith of what can be achieved with hard work and education: a big fat shittily-built house in Northern Virginia.

IDK I kinda lapsed back into my first spiel.

I guess to credit >>8227 I want to observe that there's a difference between 0.01% who are wealthy/powerful for dynastic reasons (systems of wealth and power are built to serve these dynasties) and the 1% who are merely rich and influential from facilitating those dynasties. Maybe add more zeroes to those. The Bushes are the first group, the Clintons and Obamas are the second. Then waaay below that is what "work" gets anyone in any concrete sense. People who actually organize goods and services. The prospects for anyone who expects to get rich off of any particular business are pretty grim and a third tier of working wealth (more like landlords) unless they can re-skill into the "meta" wealth skills of the group I'm calling the 1%. For the most part the "working wealthy" just gets led around like kindergartners by the 1% -- ideologically, administratively, socially, etc.

>>8225
>Seasonally themed paper plates when entertaining.
They get a lot more than that materially, but damn if that isn't a spot on example.

This is very silly thought, that is bound to be of no interest to anyone, and has little to no intellectual merit, but I feel the need to toss it out somewhere.
Around age of, hard to tell now, thirteen I believe my canines started chipping bit by bit. I don't know why, Never ate a lot of sugary food so that's ruled out so it could be bruxism and I did grind teeth a lot in general. maybe it's on orthodontical issues. No matter, long story short my canines chipped away, tiny bit after tiny bit and some fifteen years later they look hardly different from their neighbors. I am a tad upset about that, but what I have come to realize about that recently is that this process has to an extent corresponded with general decline with socially competitive behaviors, outward aggression and spunk in general. Now, this is completely due to myriad other causes, and this theory is nonsense, but it's a food for a thought.

>>8245
Poor absorption of minerals and nutrients in the digestive tract caused by bad diet, nutrient-deprived ingredients and environmental toxins, leading to more brittle teeth, nails, hair, etc. There was a video on reddit the other day of a guy in his mid-30s leaning forward into a deep lunge and his tibia just fucking snapped in half. Americans are more cooked than they even know.

>>8246
I understand why this is first thing that comes to mind, but it doesn't really track, given that I'm european from well-off family that took good care of my health as a kid, I avoided sweets, sugary drinks and fast food and visited dentist regularly. It is almost certainly orthodontical issue given that I had to have my 8ths removes around that age and wore brace afterwards, but nervous issues and grinding probably played part in it too.
But yeah americans are cooked.

Today I was walking through the city and a vagrant man started asking me for money, but he saw my face and just stopped talking in sort of a quiet confusion. I think he felt genuinely sorry for me, which is a very sad situation to be in, when a smelly homeless man begging for change feels bad for you because you look so dour.

>>8262
Why do you think your mind jumps to that type of conclusion?

>>8245
I learned 9 years ago that my jaw became misaligned and my mouth doesn't close all the way. It's not immediately noticeable but I do sound like I'm choking on dicks all the time. I slur my words. Some friends have said that they don't notice anything and some have said it's minor. I would need complete facial reconstruction which costs a shitload of money. Bad genetics for me. Bummer!
>>8262
Heh. About a month ago, I got out of my car at WalMart and within about 5 seconds, I was verbally asked for money by what was an adult black male and an older black woman. I said I don't carry cash on me (just a card, only money if I have to) and the lady immediately went into "okay thank you anyway God Bless" etc and the guy asked "you don't carry cash?" I said "no dude" and went on up the parking lot. I remember being surprised that what looked like a dude and his fuckin' mom were peddling for cash. Blacks amirite

Had a great conversation with a boomer today. If you meet the right kind of old guy, they're uncompromisingly realistic, fairly self-actualized, and unshaken by any news -- so you can straight-up confide anything in them

>>8263
Thanks to my Super Wammen Powers, I can tell when something happens in a social situation without having to analyze it methodically

>>8268
I think life is easier if you accept the idea that reality is far more flexible. Somewhere on another imageboard there might be a guy greentexting that time he froze for no reason and forgot his line despite asking money a hundred times a day. Or maybe he suddenly realized he forgot to buy milk. Or you reminded him of that highschool teacher and he was ashamed to ask for money. Or he saw an UFO in the sky just behind you.
>>8265
I know what you mean and I believe most of it comes from shutting up most of the time and rarely giving out advice (which are both admirable attitude imo).

Happy solstice everyone

>>8289
Thanks!

I browse this site with a buddy and laugh at the midwit posts.

>>8299
Picrel

I was wondering how many people died in the Russia/Ukraine war, and I can't find the answer.

Once again, I am getting rid of useless websites I visit out of habit and a misplaced need to waste time. One day in, and Petrarchan feels extra-slow.

Was there ever a time when Petrarchan wasn’t this slow?

I don't know, it just feels slower than usual.

>>8332

It's slowed down because I stopped posting as I promised to in >>8242, and my shitposting was single-handedly keeping this place afloat for the past nine months or so.

>>8334
Good for you, you kept at it!

It's pretty hard to align your actions with your will/desire/wants/wishes. I feel I keep forgetting and coming back to it. Course correction is permanent and tiresome.

I've been reading red pill/incel/misognystic stuff since forever and it does very little for me because how crudely bigoted and shitty their arguments are. Ironically single bigger incel fuel for me is reading what woke or normie people say on reddit even as someone who think himself as a left-ish guy. I'm trying to block mainstream subreddits and decrease my screen time and read books but I'm too much of a screen addict

>>8382 Men lamenting about how blackpilled they are wrt gender will never stop amusing me

>>8386 Blackpill means is someone already deep into inceldom. I am not "blackpilled" or anything or even give a fuck about what you dumb bitches say online that much.

>>8387
Sounds like you give a big fuck about what I say Mr. "I'm thinking about picking up a book" zoomie

yep I'm literally shaking right now. You sure got me right there

why can I reply but not make posts

>>8395

Admin-sama locked new posting a while ago because of a second bout of kiddie pron spam, and never bothered to re-open because even he knows this place is moribund and has zero hope for it. :T

Enjoying the music while sinking.

Hi,

I'm the guy who posted about getting cancer and surviving an abusive relationship back in 2023/4ish. I'm sad to report that my life hasn't really improved.

Yes, I can still date and get laid, but I find myself more and more isolated in my thoughts and desires. Here's a manic e-mail I sent to one of my friends.

----------------

Dearest (friend),

I apologize that our phone call was cut short the other day. In spite of my “new” used iPhone 13’s superior battery life, I learned the hard way that taking calls while using a camera tends to cut things a little short, and my old chargers had frayed in typical Apple fashion. Again, my apologies.

You and others have noticed that I’m a bit in the blues, down in the dumps, cliché for depressed du jour.

Usually, I have the energy to pretend that I’m just having a rough one, that I have allergies, or at least put up some clearly unbelievable front. No such luck here. I will admit that this is the worst I have felt in a long time, emotionally, and I am considering self-intervention most days.

Texting for now is a chore, even this feels laborious. My mood is as much responsible as this new phone. As I write this, I’m thinking of Nietzsche’s misadventures with the writing ball, and how a medium can alter one’s ability to communicate. Did I mention that I hate this phone? This infernal machine (“piece of shit,” for the vulgar) is simply too big in my hands. I feel it changing my thoughts, turning me into a mute, this new iPhone. I feel my ability to think slowly returning as I type this in Microsoft Word 2010.

Don’t worry, I won’t do anything stupid.

It all started when my college friend, (name), and her boyfriend came back from their vacation in Florida. I had been in their apartment cat- and rabbit-sitting and keeping the cat’s veterinary appointments with their roommate, who is an absolute sweetheart, if not a little bit odd. Early 40’s, from Iowa, fast-talker, we drank some beers and watched the Indiana game. It was a good time. Of course, my car got booted, which sucked, but that doesn’t really figure into how I was feeling. Other than another pointless fight with my parents, that didn’t really affect me so much.

(name), my friend from college, is clearly the life of that living arrangement. Most of the stuff in the apartment is hers or her family’s. The furniture, the electronics, the foods, almost all of it was purchased by (mostly for) her. Her boyfriend and their roommate seem to get together nightly and watch TV. Yes, she’s a rich girl. How else is she going to afford a life in New York? Her family’s fortunes are not what get me down; Jersey has a lot of rich kids. Her roommate being a friend is also not a concern of mine.

What got me down was seeing how she lives.

Most days and evenings before the storm were spent indoors, watching various reality TV programs or kids’ shows, playing some New York Times phone puzzles. Yes, kids’ shows. The one that all of us watched was some Pixar show, Win or Lose. It was cute. Again, there’s nothing wrong with some good family edutainment.

What is wrong, though, was getting a taste of what “adult life” seems to have devolved into. (name) and her boyfriend are currently of course dating, albeit seriously, with no immediate plans for children. (roommate) seems to want to be a bachelor forever. Again, both are fine. But as I was watching this kids’ show with them , I was overtaken by this sense of dread, that nobody wants to have an adult life.

In a past life, I had considered a pivot from economics to sociology as my discipline of research/study, in no small part thanks to the influence of the person who has, sadly, occupied the most of my adult mind. One observation that I had pinged to (ex), and one that she had started to incorporate in her work before her hard identity-politics refocus (a lens through which I, naturally, became a mortal race and sex enemy worthy of physical and existential destruction) was a reworking of the observations made by Kit Lasch and Charles Taylor with the respect of tightening microeconomic circumstances leading to smaller lives of Americans. Both had observed that individuals started to disappear into their home lives, communities and clubs had started to become extensions of a relationship, that songs became a metaphysical possession that some couples projected sentimentality upon, the boom in then-new exurbia as a physical manifestation of this retreat into the late-capitalist common-law or de facto marriage. Expanding upon this and microwaving it, my greatest fear was that during the next recession, there would be a massive social contraction. That couples and families would fully retreat into themselves, now unencumbered by the previous indignities of the physical world.

I felt this old observation punch me in the face that night.

I looked up and saw everyone on their phones. There are people in their early 30’s and early 40’s. I excuse myself, I go to the bar down the street, and I see the same. The few conversations I could strike up were interrupted by references to wives, husbands, partners, all completely voluntarily and unprompted. This time, the phone-starers and lover-anchored had a more diverse age range.

I simply do not think that a world for the single, the long-distance, or the childless can exist any longer.

My greatest fear was realized in Harlem of all places. With the advanced technology which can now soothe the collapse of individual wealth better than either the opiate of the masses or the opiate of substances could, there is simply no need for a community to exist beyond one’s immediate family. Everything we could want is right here in our living room. You don’t need to go out, it’s cold, dangerous, out there anyway.

Welcome to the Global Exurb.

I simply see my own life, one of forced isolation, abuse, loneliness, is inescapable. I am deathly afraid that every family now will be like mine: tight-knit, insular, paranoid, and God forbid you ever find your wool suddenly start to darken.

I have to wonder if it’s possible for me to have a place in this world. I’m growing increasingly pessimistic.

I understand that on some level it’s pathetic to be 31 years old and constantly “hitting up” friends. At some point, we all age out of the instant connections with those outside of our immediate microeconomic unit. It saddens me deeply that my generation and the best, most egalitarian of us couldn’t break out of the one social construct that has swallowed all of adult and American life. We lost. Oh well. That’s not my concern. I’m simply afraid that those of us who struggled with family will simply be left alone to rot with chatbots, that the others with darker wool have already turned away from each other and embraced their own digital cloisterhood. I fear that adult life, what was my only salvation from the pain I experienced in my childhood, is simply going to disappear as people turn inwards and decided that the outside world is simply too distracting, inconvenient, loud, cold, scary. I am kept awake nightly by the thought of an entire generation of children growing up in their own exurban home-jails.

I thank God every day for our friendship.

[Eastern-Camera]

----------

I truly miss being in a codependent relationship, I miss never having to see my family that has always disrespected me to my face and to intimate partners, I miss having a future. I see myself eating a handful of fent in a few years.

>>8405
Respectfully, you're jerking your own chains there.
"The world is going to shit": every era had this thought. Look at it as a prerequisite for human life. There are gonna be problems anyway. What is the point of lament?
Stop looking at other people's lives and judging, you don't know.
You're allowed to miss assholes in your life, but realize that it's mostly because you lack imagination. Learn to hope for the better, it's a skill. If you lack it, you can't recognize a good thing passing you by.
If you don't like your phone, drop it. Hang around people who don't like it either. Hang around places that don't encourage it. Create places and times that live without it.

Plug walk

I don't even understand how the fuck my plug talk

Admin-sama, that was me in my Kriss thread here, how could you forget your greatest shitposter on your own site... ;__;

>>8416
Shit I'm sorry. GOAT post here then.

Every day I click the 'post thread' button, hoping admin allowed posting silently. Alas, it never happens, and the 404 screen is viewed once again. When will the darkness end?

Whoops, 403*

>>8423
You can post here. Just make a thread in a thread.

>>8423
re-enabled, will leave it open for a day or so. still working on a proper mod queue so that it can be on all the time without running the risk of more spam threads

"I'm not ready for a relationship or anythings serious right now"
Women, is this ever true?

I am thinking I should kill myself.

>>8510
Yeah, it would require effort, and sometimes is not the time for effort.
>>8513
I am blessed and cursed with Buddhism faith. I'm convinced suicide is just delaying the suck and making it worse. So I don't kill myself, but man does it suck (until it doesn't).

>>8510
Yeah sometimes you just don't have the energy for it. It's like adopting a dog, you have to be in the right mindset

>>8516
>It's like adopting a dog
The comparison is very apt, and I don't like it.

>8514
I am cursed with doing too much opioids and now life just feels empty.

>>8516
Fair. I'm afraid that I'll just be a placeholder until she finds someone better

>>8516
sucks how you can't just pick up an animal it's so much work and at the mercy of other people like borderline unprofessional vets

>>8514
if you're not actively doing anything to fix it then may as well

>>8513

Same here. I quit my job last weekend because I was miserable and didn't have any free time. Since then I've spent my free time terminally online as I've done for the past 7+ years. Can't say I didn't see it coming lol.

Now I'm miserable and soon to be poor. It's like that Smiths lyric but in reverse:

"I was looking for a job and then I found a job-
and heaven knows I'm miserable now"

It doesn't help that I've been shut inside for the last 3 days due to the snowstorm. Maybe exercise would help. I don't know.

On a related note >>8533 the only reason I haven't killed myself (and wouldn't advise it) is because as far as I've read there's no convincing reason to assume that existence after death is any more pleasurable or any less monotonous. IMO it's a safer bet to be materially comfortable and spiritually rotten than risk finding out what there is on the other side.

>>8534
I dont work hard, but I dont have no money neither
Things are so mean to me

>>8533
>>8534
Life is long. It took me ~15 years of cycles of desperation/hope (sometimes giving up, sometimes trying), and suddenly, everything changed. Now the problems are different but it's worth it even just for the change of scenery.
The short of it: I'd suggest to keep trying because it can always be better, and more important, it can always be worse.

>>8531
In my experience, men are much more likely to shack up with someone they don't care for, aren't interested in, or even hate, as a "placeholder"-- access to sex and housekeeping, whereas a woman will simply not get into a relationship in the first place. There are far more stories from women being strung along through slowly-progressing lurching relationships that never seem to go anywhere than the other way around. You're thinking like a man and projecting your qualities onto her.

>>8537
I tried working hard and still have no money lol
>>8540
You will concede that, statistically, there must also be millions of people for whom it just never gets better, where there's never a change of scenery or life-changing revelation? Point is I can't wait 15 fuckin years man my tiktok-addled zoomoid brain isn't built for it.

I do agree with your last point.

>>8542
No. We had been sleeping together and she was sending me relationship memes on ig so I asked her on a date. And then she said she didnt want to start anything serious. Very confusing. I really do like her but I understand why she would delay things

did i miss out by never learning to write cursive